Friday, December 18, 2009

a morbid recollection

My resolutions for 2010 is still work-in-progress. Oddly enough this time, i am critical and unrelenting. Looking at my posts these couple of weeks, i seem to haven't said much about the goings-on in my life except to drop a few daily inspirations. My guess did not take me very far, so a closer inspection revealed that the only plausible explanation would be that reservations have grown with age. And that my friends, is occurring rather rapidly. It is going to sound fairly depressing but months now feel like years and i'm weighed down by many worldly ideals that pair with being an adult. To further severe my case, i am a middle class kid who was granted the misfortune of having to be born into an expensive city. There is also no need to remind you that i am at the edge of the adolescent bluff. I'm 21 and even that is almost over.

So as my hunt for inspiration steadily came to a halting failure late yesterday, i logged into my old friendster account out of desperation. Have you seen it? Reckon it got bought over by another company and given a face lift. Not too shabby. It's not like i was sure why i did it but for whatever the reason is, it proved to be more than what i had originally bargained for. Trying to retrieve my first 100 comments was no use, i should've known that you can never trust sites like this with your priceless treasures i.e first 'testimonial' from your boyfriend which would've been whimsical to discover. Anyway, they're very capable of screwing everything up beyond repair, hence the makeover and new operation. (Note to self- watch out for Face Book)

Consolation was that i found my old blog. They've restored it with a tacky layout but otherwise, nothing's changed. The ghost of that blog beckons me to wander into the mind of 18 year old Maria, angsty and crazy in love, i did that for a good 3 hours. Well, it doesn't look like i've grown out much from my morbid disposition but i'm not worrying about that yet.

Younger Maria was detailed, she wasn't half as a caught up with the real world as i, obviously, so it afforded her time to think deep into pertinent details like her love and emotions or something that made her terribly upset that day. She was so sensitive and wouldn't allow anything that moved her get away without some kind of reaction. She was more delicate and indulged in her love for poetry and her craft but little did she know that soon after dwelling deep into art and injuring a knee, she'd develop an obsession for politics and culture shifts. I'd say those were the responsible factors that popped me out of my shell and here i am today, exiled from the innocent paradise that once existed in my head 3 years ago.

These days i corrupt myself with speeches from Malcolm X and Dada artworks while adversely channeling healthier inspirations and the things i love to do as a normal, functioning woman of the society into this blog to save my life and mind. While some remnants of younger Maria remained, many have changed forever. That is so to prepare for the real world that now welcomes me.

Going back to constructing my resolutions. Bet you didn't realise, i'm back at my ugly habit again and that's staying up into the small hours! Well anyway, Happy Friday! Weekend's here!

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